.. Cambridge. Gids. Andy. Oldfield. Chris. Dan. Walking through the market square. The second floor of the library. My food drawer. Delirious phases with Karen. Pembroke College. Downing College. “Borrowing” items from the dining halls. Experiencing life in the UK. Pretending to be British with Christina. Banoffee pie.
.. Travelling. Taking the metro. “Mind the Gap.” Racing through Paris in eight hours. Being amazed by their gothic architecture. The cathedrals that take your breath away. Walking through London. Seeing the changing of the guards. Experiencing new things with friends. Recognizing places that I’ve seen only in movies and books. Being international.
.. David. Where did he go? Why haven’t I seen him since last fall? Did I even see him last fall? Please don’t tell me the last time I saw him was before I left for Cambridge.. Why does it even matter? Why do I still love you? Why do I still care?
.. Tim. Why do I miss him? Asshole.
.. Danny. My love. I dread being in the same country with you..
.. Passion. Or should I say active passion. Being passionate about what I care about. The things I love. And acting on that passion. And not being sad because of my passion. Why does passion make me sad? Why does passion equal pain?
.. Being in the loop. In the loop on Korean celebrities. The loves of my life. On American celebrities. On movies. On TV shows. On the whole entertainment industry. On Soompi. On all my forums. Or now ex-forums.
.. My friends. Why are we all so busy? Why are we all separated? Why do I feel like there is a chasm I cannot cross? Is it me? Am I building a wall?
.. Being on top of things. Finishing work ahead of time. Turning it in ahead of time. Or at the very least being on schedule.
.. My old high school self. With work ethic.
.. Having conviction. A goal. A direction. A purpose. Where am I going? What am I doing? What do I want? Can I even have whatever it is that I want?
.. Being happy. Being able to truly enjoy things. Being able to smile without crying inside.
.. Not having to wear a mask. Not having to have a facade. Did those times really exist? Is there any sincerity left in me?
.. My sanity. Why have you forsaken me?
..
I miss.. ME.
